im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
