I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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