I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
