I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
