I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
