i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
