yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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