Please, let me fuck your mom
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
