What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
