How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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