Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
