This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
