i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
