My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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