my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
