Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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