just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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