when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
