If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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