Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
