I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
