You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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