I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
