Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
