So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
