I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
