Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They have beer where we have blood.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
