God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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