Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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