Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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