Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
