Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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