wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize