i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
