Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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