The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
