I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
