My hand turned me down
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
