if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
