a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
