She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
