Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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