It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
there is glitter all over my balls
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