I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
