Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
