We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
