apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
