so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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