I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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