he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He better not be in your backpack
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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