Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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