OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
