a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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