Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
