i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
