i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
