i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize