Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
