Yo dont text me then not text me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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