It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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