God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
