p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
