you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
