Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
