The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the condom got lost in my hair
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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