And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
