She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
