Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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