Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
