do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
