mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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