So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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