I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
