sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
