i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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