Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
