were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
