I think I died a long time ago.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
