just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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