i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
