Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
