When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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