Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
accomplished twins. life is a go
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
