youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize