do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
