You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
