he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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