just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
