do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
