Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You're like the curious george of whores
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
