Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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